You’ve got a yacht, right? Because the extreme wealth we’ve acquired from typing stuff about video games has allowed us to purchase the fourth official GamesRadar Boat. So join us for our annual race: the first one to sail the circumference of Gangsta Party Island (that’s the new ditty in the Philippines we also just bought) wins a bottle of Hennessy, and a Wii.

But you won’t win. We’ve been practicing on Virtual Skipper 5, and this game taught us the way of the dinghy. We are true navigators. Next week, we’re so gonna dominate those bloomin’ wankers at the Cambridge University Cruising Club.